Child Funeral

When my oldest son E. was a baby, I was told by doctor's he wouldn't make it to his first birthday. During the day I cared for him, loved him, enjoyed what little time I had with him. At night, I planned his funeral. Sad? Yes. Morbid? Probably. It was a valid concern at the time.

We had no money. I obsessed about how we would pay for his funeral. The casket. The plot. The headstone. These things cost money. Big money. A casket costs more than the car that I was driving at the time. Every dime we had went toward medications, medical bills, and maintaining the crap-shack we were renting. Renting an apartment without a leaky roof AND paying for anti-convulsants was not in the budget.

Who can we borrow money from? And how much? How much money will we have in our budget once we aren't paying for all of these medical expenses? How much can we afford to pay back a month? Who needs to be paid first? What can we sell? We don't have anything to sell. Everything of value has been sold. I could probably get $50 for the tv. Is that worth it? Could we set up a fund for people to donate to in lieu of flowers? I want flowers for my child's funeral. I wonder if there is any sort of charity out there that would help us. It would probably be bad to call around now. Of course, I won't have time to look into it when the time comes. Where should he be buried? I don't want him buried here because we don't want to live here forever. I want him closer to family and where we eventually hope to move. Of course, who knows how much it would cost to have him transferred there. And I wouldn't be able to visit his grave as often until we actually moved. This isn't going to work. I don't want to lose my baby. How does anyone plan for this? Maybe I should make calls tomorrow. If I have real numbers to work with maybe I can figure this all out. Why isn't my family rich? Who could afford to lend us money? *and repeat*